What's On Stage Today (Instead of Me)

Today, another day passes where the Kennedy Center is too busy to send me an acceptance or denial letter. I thought it'd be interesting to look at today's schedule and see what the Kennedy Center is doing instead. (My comments below each entry in italics)

• VSA arts presents: Green Light, a juried exhibition
  Hall of States - 10:00 AM

A juried exhibition on the same day OJ gets his verdict. Classy, Kennedy Center.

• Behind the Scenes: Mermaids, Monsters, and the World Painted Purple
  Family Theater - 11:00 AM

Listen, I like a good mermaid as much as the next person. But I'm pretty sure I don't want to know what's "behind the scenes." It's either a woman in a fish costume or a woman with fish business. Either way, I'm turned off.

• WPAS: New York Philharmonic
  Concert Hall - 4:00 PM

Come to DC so you can see the . . . New York Philharmonic?

• Millennium Stage: Christian Sands and Friends
  Millennium Stage - 6:00 PM

I've got no gripe with Sands. But his Friends? Those guys are trouble.

• Shear Madness
  Theater Lab - 6:00 PM

Their catchphrase is that their they're the longest running show in history. Clocking in at 5 hours and 21 minutes, I wouldn't argue.

• Broadway: Three Generations
  Eisenhower Theater - 7:30 PM

Behind every great Broadway performer is an overbearing mother and a drug-addicted teenage child. Now you can see them all in one place.

• Barbara Cook's Spotlight: "Quintessence: An Evening with Betty Buckley and Kenny Werner"
  Terrace Theater - 7:30 PM

Listen, Betty, buy me a drink first before you try to take me out for the evening. Zing! But seriously. Leave me alone, freak.